Notes from Kristin Quinn

So many steps!

Mon, 23 Oct 2017 00:00:00 GMT

When the average person gets hungry, they eat. Sometimes, they even think about a delicious food, their mouth starts to water, they get excited about obtaining said food, and they look forward to their snack or meal.

This is why it is SO difficult for the ‘average person’ to understand feeding issues. Sure, all kids are picky eaters … to an extent, and for a period of time, usually. But people, even educated, medical professionals on occasion, can’t seem to wrap their heads around ‘feeding issues’ that go beyond the ‘typical’ childhood phenomenon of complaining at dinnertime.

Even when parents themselves have a child with feeding issues, it is still a mystery. Even though they are living it day to day, it is still hard to comprehend.

I like to break it down like this: If your child is having a hard time with food, think about all of the steps that are involved in eating. Really, try it. You’ve probably never given a second thought to the numerous steps involved in consuming food. Here is just a list off the top of my head. I am sure that my speech therapist, occupational therapist, GI doc, and dietician friends can come up with a bunch more!

Child becomes aware that mealtime is approaching. They start to think about whatever it is that makes eating difficult for them (smell, texture, hunger, sitting still, using a utensil, chewing, swallowing – or lack of hunger, etc.) They may start talking about not wanting to come to the table, or start crying, or acting out.
Child is asked to come to the table, closer to the ‘eating experience’. They don’t want to. They may not want to sit in the chair, they may not want to see the food or smell it. They might physically resist coming to the table.
Child sees the food on the table, or worse, on their plate in front of them. They have to accept the food visually. They have to SEE that food that is so difficult for them to manage (for whatever reason).
Child is presented with the food in front of them, or prepped on a utensil for them to pick up or allow into their mouth.
Child smells the food. So now, they are seated, which may be an issue for them, they are looking at the food, they are smelling the food … all before it is even in their mouth!!
Child has to PICK UP THE UTENSIL or the food itself and PUT IT IN THEIR MOUTH. Imagine how much that takes out of them when they DON’T want to eat what is in front of them. They have to either put it in themselves, or allow it to be put in. This is where a lot of behaviors come out …pushing, throwing the food, crying, gagging, coughing (even at just the sight or smell).
Once the food gets in, if it gets in … they have to manage the food. Maybe they don’t have the skills to chew and swallow properly, or maybe they are sensitive to different textures. Here is where we often see an increase in gagging and coughing. Sometimes the gags and coughs are a result of all of this time to think about how difficult eating is going to be in conjunction with actually having the food in their mouth.
Then, once the kiddo has managed the food in their oral cavity, they have to SWALLOW it. Again, often gagging and coughing are at play, and sometimes vomit. But why? What is the issue …are they not managing the food effectively? Are they worked up with anxiety? Are there other, yet to be determined issues?
Once it is swallowed, there is a whole new set of ‘steps’. How is their GI tract going to handle the food? Are there allergies? Diagnosed? Undiagnosed? Are they going to vomit some more? Are they going to be constipated? Are they going to have a reflux episode?

When you start to think of all the steps involved in eating, it is a wonder it comes so easily to the rest of us.

When trying to support a child with feeding issues, or a friend, or yourself, consider all that is truly involved in eating.

What would you add to the list?

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Kristin Quinn is an experienced feeding specialist. Trained at one of the nation’s top Children’s Hospitals, Kristin is well versed in the complexities of feeding, and the impact feeding difficulties can have on an entire family. Kristin is passionate about helping parents find a plan that will work for them. Contact her today for more information! toddlersandtomatoes@gmail.com

The Toddler and Tomatoes website is not a substitute for medical advice. All information is intended for your general information only. Information presented on this site and through our services should not be considered a substitute for medical consult or treatment for specific medical conditions. Information obtained by using our services is not exhaustive and does not cover all diseases, ailments, physical conditions or their treatment. You should never disregard medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on our site. If you think you have a medical emergency, call your doctor or 911 immediately. Thanks!

Today, I felt content.

Tue, 06 Jun 2017 00:00:00 GMT

Most days, there is something I am feeling guilty about. Guilty that I’m sending my almost 5 year old to preschool when I am not going to a 9-5 job – even though I think that she thrives in the structured and fun preschool environment, adjusting much better to school and the outside world than I ever did. Guilty that the laundry has been sitting – clean but unfolded in the laundry basket for three days. Guilty that I haven’t seen my grandparents, haven’t brought in a paycheck, haven’t cooked a real meal, haven’t called my dad, haven’t reached out to this person or that. Haven’t written an overdue thank you card, or called my non-mom girlfriends. Guilty that I don’t have a perfectly landscaped yard or an immaculate (or even remotely put together) home.

There is always something to feel guilty about, if you think about it.

But today, I felt content. Except for this post …at the very end of the day, I didn’t do any ‘work’. I didn’t try to network or engage via social media. I didn’t think about my bigger picture plans, or what I’ll do to be a ‘useful member of society – or the household’ once both kids are in school full time. I simply lived the day I was in, and it felt good.

I dropped my daughter off at school (on the later side of the ten minute window, unlike me, but because I hit snooze … and braided my daughter’s hair, and let my little guy sleep in til the last minute, and snuggled them both as I was putting them in the car … and then we stopped to admire the fresh coat of paint on the outside of the house, and the new flowers …) After drop off, my little guy and I went to the local spot, and I had a coffee, and I let him get a sugary icing coated cookie. We sat outside in the beautiful weather. We chatted about Iron Man, and the other little guys we know, and where daddy was and where big sister was, and what we were going to do for the rest of the day.

Then we met for a playdate at the park. We were the only ones there, and it was great!

We came home, we had lunch, and we played outside. Then, we picked up my daughter.

I let them watch TV, and I cooked a real life, honest to goodness, home cooked meal. (I didn’t expect them too, but they both ate it!)

I didn’t feel (too) guilty about the TV, or focusing on making dinner (a totally worthwhile endeavor).

I felt content. I felt good. My goal is to have more days like this, appreciating where I am now, not where I want to ultimately be. Planning and wishing and thinking are great and have a purpose, but shouldn’t take away from where you are now, what you have now, what you mean to those little people who think you are the bee’s knees.

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Feeding. It’s not just about the child.

Fri, 19 May 2017 00:00:00 GMT

Feeding is complex. People take it for granted, and also have a lack of appreciation for the stress that comes with a child who isn’t thriving due to feeding difficulties. Even if a child ‘meets the numbers’ of weight gain, caloric intake, or whatever else is quantifying their health, mealtime struggles are just that – struggles. Whether or not a bystander, medical professional, family member, or friend *thinks* it’s a problem, only the family who is managing tricky mealtimes day in and day out can truly appreciate the all-encompassing stress of challenges with eating.

There are many professionals who address feeding issues. Well intentioned and knowledgeable, each discipline offers their thoughts and suggestions, often overlooking the biggest obstacle to improving a family’s quality of life – stress. Sure there are many tips, tricks, techniques, even medications to help with the many facets of a feeding issue. What is often missing in treatment, however, is the question “What will make your life better? What will improve your day to day to routine? What do you feel is best for you and your child?” Sure, sometimes the answers are unclear, but the questions are worth asking.

Parents are joining together to address this issue, and it is time that the professionals do the same. Feeding is not something that improves overnight, or without treatment of the whole family.

Finding support wherever you can is so important. Ideally, managing the stress of feeding would be part of a comprehensive treatment plan. However, if you’ve not located the best services yet, or this is not part of the services you are receiving, check out these great organizations.

Feeding Matters – “Our mission is to bring pediatric feeding struggles to the forefront so infants and children are identified early, families’ voices are heard, and medical professionals are equipped to deliver collaborative care”

Cupcake Foundation – “Caring, understanding parents coping and accepting kids with eating disorders”

Toddlers and Tomatoes, LLC – Offering support and guidance as you navigate the world of feeding. A pioneer service for families struggling at meals; not simply offering a therapeutic or medical intervention, but helping a family identify their needs and obtain improved quality of life.your child is a ‘typical picky eater’, or has more complex feeding issues, Kristin can help you develop a plan.

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The days are long but the years are short. Blah.

Fri, 28 Apr 2017 00:00:00 GMT

The days are long, but the years are short. I don’t know who said it, but it is something you hear often as a parent of young children. Hang in there. Cherish this time. Time flies, they’ll be out of the house before you know it. I know it. I believe it. I try to remember it. But, man, are those days long sometimes.

I’ve been a working mom. I’ve been a stay at home mom. I’ve been (am) a mom trying to get a business off the ground, keep the house in a state just above complete chaos, and keep the kids alive. No matter how you cut it, the days ARE long.

Here is how I feel like my day should have gone when I was a working mom: spend 8 intense hours totally focused on the tasks at hand. Engage meaningfully with my co-workers. Make a difference in the lives of children who were not my own. Leave work re-energized, secure in the knowledge that I helped people, was a stellar employee, and the best co-worker a colleague could ask for. Travel to pick up my daughter, with no trace of road rage, enjoying my music and the sunshine. Pick-up said daughter, spend an hour playing with her with my attention completely on her, and when my husband came home, hand off the baton so that he could give our little girl undivided attention while I prepared a completely nutritious and delicious meal for us all to enjoy. After dinner, a leisurely bath time, story time, snuggle. All of this, in this dream, would be complete by 7pm, at the latest, and my hubby and I would enjoy several hours of adult conversation, perhaps a television show, and map out our future, filled with many dream vacations and quality family experiences.

As a stay at home/work at home … the ‘perfect’ day looks similar, again in this dream world. Except instead of co-workers, my mom friends would find me engaging and interesting, and Pinterest-worthy. They would envy my creatively planned daily itinerary, my blossoming business, and when I picked up my daughter from school, I’d have a Martha Stewart-esque snack planned, a playdate lined up, and still have time to make that nutritionally sound dinner.

I know people who have this reality. But it isn’t me. My days as a working mom, went more like this:

Get up at a god awful hour, half the time pregnant, nursing, or bleary eyed from an all-nighter (not the fun kind). Lament over the unfairness of not only getting myself up and out, but also waking up my baby to ship her off somewhere. Go to work. Flip flop between being focused at work or focused on other, more important things, like my daughter and family. Race home, or try to, in gridlock traffic, pick up my daughter, rush home to start dinner, ignore my daughter. Hubby comes home, plays with her a bit, eat dinner. Bed time … but bed time was, and is, our sticking point. It. Takes. Hours. And part of the reason I haven’t instituted some sort of behavior protocol to shorten bedtime goes back to that whole long days short years thing. It won’t be like this for long … might as well enjoy it while our kids still want us to snuggle at night. Anyway .. the day ended then and ends now with me and my hubby, exhausted from the day, vegged out, not talking to each other, not doing anything that needs to be done … and this doesn’t even happen until 10:00 at night sometimes!

My days as a stay at home mom trying to build a business are not much different. I still get up with an alarm. I’m still at the beck and call of other people (children, clients, professionals I connect with, etc.). I like to think, and I guess I used to think when I was a working mom, that stay at home moms can make their own schedules. They don’t have to answer to anyone. They can watch a movie in the middle of the day. Right. No, wrong.

I’m not complaining … But I just want to know, am I the only one who sometimes would prefer to zone out in front of the television instead of engage in another round of hot potato, a round of hot potato that is conducted in such a way that you have no clue what is happening … the brainchild of your four year old… perhaps a combination of the hot potato game you played as a child, an adaptation of it your daughter learned in school, with a few four year old revisions thrown in, just for good measure?

I’m tired at the end of the day. I know my husband is tired at the end of the day. And we adore our children, and want to play with them, and know that the ‘days are long, but the years are short’… but really, is that what you want to hear when your eyes are glazed over and you are just. Trying. To. Get. To. Bed. Or, at least the couch?

How are you at appreciating the loooooooong days with your kiddos? How to you manage your time? Have you figured out the perfect way to balance all of life’s demands? Please, share!!

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Yes. My kids are picky eaters.

Mon, 27 Mar 2017 00:00:00 GMT

Yes, my kids are picky eaters.

Your kids must be great eaters. I thought you were an expert in feeding kids, how come your child is acting like this? It doesn’t look like you know how to manage mealtimes very effectively, your child has been complaining and not eating this whole time.

It never ceases to amaze me when people assume that my children must be great eaters.

I make a point to always remind my clients and followers that children are children. They do and say what they want. They have preferences, just like adults. They have mood swings. They get sick and grumpy and full. They have medical issues, developmental issues, or sometimes, just don’t feel like being cooperative. Feeding issues or not, kids are kids. You may look at my kids and think, sheesh … she doesn’t have a clue how to help families who have difficult eaters! But, in my humble opinion, you’d be wrong.

People seek out help with mealtimes when the stress of meals, and worry over growth and nutrition become too much. I help families manage that stress, take it all in stride, make a plan, and alter the ADULT’s perception of what is happening. Kids are going to do what they are going to do, no matter what you know. But, you can control your experience of the situation with a little education and support.

My kids act like any other kids. I just experience it in a way that some families do not. I know what kind of day my kids are having, or what they ate prior to the current meal, or I’ve anticipated their reaction, or decided my game plan. It may look like my kids are bad eaters, and I know nothing about mealtimes – but, rest assured, they are just kids, and I am ‘managing’ the meal without them (or the person watching) even realizing it!

No matter how much I know about managing mealtimes, my kids didn’t sign up for that. They never said “I will be perfectly cooperative, and always receptive to new foods, and any demand you may place on me, ever. I will enjoy all of your lovingly prepared meals, without ever batting an eyelash, and try anything you put in front of me.” Nope. That never happened.

I think one of the most frustrating things about children with feeding issues, for parents, is the inability to control their response to food. Accepting that you cannot control your child’s reaction to food and mealtimes is one of the hardest and most important things when working toward less stressful meals. You have to identify what you are in control of, and embrace it.

I can help. Contact me today at t oddlersandtomatoes@gmail.com

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Where to turn for a child’s picky eating or feeding issue

Tue, 21 Mar 2017 00:00:00 GMT

So, there is a lot of buzz around ‘picky eating’ . You know by now how I feel about that. It IS typical for kids to assert themselves at meals, and turn their nose up at food.

However, it’s hardly ever about the taste of a particular food, or without a reason (age, temperament, presentation of food, physical pain and discomfort associated with eating). The trick is figuring out what your child’s reason is, and determining how you want to handle it.

Want to just put your head down and plow through these ‘challenging years’? Totally fine! Perfectly OK with being a short order cook? Do your thing, mama!

Not content with the mealtime challenges? Change is possible. Like most things in life, you have to know what you want, and know who can help.

For some kids, difficulty at mealtimes really is a phase. But, that doesn’t mean that you have to just deal with it until it passes. There are simple things you can do to improve mealtimes. Mainly, have regular mealtimes with consistent and reasonable expectations.

For other kids though, eating is a larger issue. The question isn’t whether or not help is needed, but who to turn to.

Before seeking help for a child’s feeding issues, you have to know the answers to some questions.

What do you want to be different about mealtimes with your child?

What are you willing to do to improve mealtimes with your child? (Read, how much time and energy are YOU, the parent, willing to exert?)

Is the stress of mealtime so overwhelming that you are looking for someone to not only treat your child, but also support, guide, and empower you?

Your answers to these questions will assist you in finding a professional who can really help you in a way that you will find satisfying.

There are SO many professionals who address feeding issues. Few of them focus solely on feeding, and even fewer support parents in a way that is meaningful. You have to be an advocate not only for your child, but for yourself as well. Feeding is so complicated, and improvement and change requires that the parent is supported, educated, and empowered to make the changes at home.

Here are some professionals who can help:

Pediatrician first then any combination of the below…
GI specialists can determine if there are things impacting the health and functioning of your child’s gastrointestinal system.
ENT’s are physicians who are trained in the treatment of patients with diseases and disorders of the ear, nose, throat and related structures of the head and neck, and may be able to identify why your child has feeding issues. Allergists can help identify if your child has a food allergy, sensitivity or intolerance impacting their feeding behavior.
Occupational Therapists can help your child with sensory issues that may be impacting behavior at meals and your child’s experience with food.
Speech Therapists can help determine if your child has functional oral motor skills to safely and effectively manage food
Psychologists and behavior therapists can help you identify the behaviors that your child has learned to avoid eating, and how to manage those behaviors.

My goal with Toddlers and Tomatoes is to support parents. Help families figure out where to turn, identify goals, and follow through with them, and feel understood and supported.

If you need help navigating a child’s feeding concerns, please do not hesitate to contact me toddlersandtomatoes@gmail.com. I can help!

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The ‘No Thank You Bite’

Fri, 24 Feb 2017 00:00:00 GMT

If you’ve been paying attention to my posts and blogs, you know that I like to take a reasonable, middle of the road approach to most everything in life. I don’t like to get worked up about stuff, and I don’t like when other people take a stance, dig their feet in, and won’t budge – feeding related topic, or otherwise.

It’s so disheartening to read blogs, from professionals (with titles nonetheless), demeaning and dismissing approaches to mealtimes that are different from what they preach. Not only is this … sort of unprofessional and obnoxious, but it also places another burden on top of already stressed out parents. “If you don’t approach feeding THIS PARTICULAR way, you are causing yourself and your child undue stress and probably traumatizing them for life.”

Instead, the message should be, “Here is an option. Read about it, try it out, and see if it works for you. Here is why I think it works, and here is how I apply it to kids with different personalities, different temperaments, and parents with varying levels of tolerance for sticking to a plan.”

A particular topic in the feeding world that seems to evoke strong opinions is the ‘no thank you bite’. The no thank you bite basically means a child must take one bite of each food, and can then say ‘no thank you, I don’t want anymore.’ This isn’t all that different than ‘last bite’, which is what I often recommend. I like the ‘last bite’ rule, because it only requires one single bite of one food at the end of the meal.

The no thank you bite requires several bites, and could lead to long, drawn out battles of will.

The no thank you bite and last bite require that a child follow through with a demand given by a parent. Assuming a parent is being completely reasonable (very small bites of food which can be easily managed by the child), it is absolutely the privilege (and job) of a parent to set and follow through with expectations for their children, at the table and elsewhere.

Now, if you want your kiddo to eat a stack of pancakes… you might be asking too much …

But, that’s just my opinion. What matters most in improving mealtimes is not what approach you choose, but that you as the parent believe in it, that it makes sense to you, and that you feel comfortable following through with whatever plan you’ve set in place.

If you’d like to learn more about the ‘no thank you bite’ or ‘last bite’ … and really, any approaches to managing mealtimes … please contact me today! t oddlersandtomatoes@gmail.com

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So, I read a diet book, and you should too …

Thu, 09 Feb 2017 00:00:00 GMT

Small Steps to Slim by Ashvini Mashru, MA, RD, LDN is not a book I would normally be drawn too.

I am already slim, slim to the point of people often wondering (sometimes out loud), if I have some sort of eating disorder. Mull that over for a minute. An eating disorder, which google defines as – “any of a range of psychological disorders characterized by abnormal or disturbed eating habits (such as anorexia nervosa).” Probably the opposite experience of someone telling you your child with a true feeding issue is ‘just a picky eater’. People can be jerks.

Said ‘people’ have actually asked me if, due solely to my thinness, I have an eating disorder. This made me hesitant to acknowledge that I read a book about becoming slim. What were people going to think now???

I did read it, and I loved it. It is not a diet book, or particularly about becoming slim, although that is the pretense – it’s a wonderful guidebook toward reaching your goals . Its principles are applicable to many life situations.

Perhaps I should use it as a way to develop a plan for managing rude people. But, I digress.

Ashvini’s website explains that she “… is an award winning Registered Dietitian and a professional Health and Wellness Coach who has over 12 years of experience in helping individuals achieve healthy lifestyles.” I’m happy to call Ashvini a friend and fellow business owner. She has been a pleasure to know and work with, and I am thrilled to incorporate the lessons of her book into this blog post and my work with clients.

You’ll have to read the book for a full explanation of these steps in regards to lifestyle management for weight loss, but here are some basic examples of how I would apply Ashvini’s lessons to managing a child’s feeding issues, and making any goal attainable.

Step 1 Commit to the Journey

A goal is nothing without commitment to seeing it through. If you desperately want eating to be different for your child, commit yourself to finding the medical, behavioral, and developmental answers and mealtime management techniques needed to make that happen.

Step 2 Pinpoint a Final Destination

Think about what makes mealtimes challenging for your child RIGHT NOW. Then, consider what you want mealtimes look like with/for your child when you’ve achieved your goal. Commit that goal to memory, and commit yourself to getting there.

Step 3 Choose one Small Navigational Change

What’s that they say about Rome not being conquered in a day? Long standing feeding issues will not improve or change overnight. Before reaching that ideal experience of eating, many smaller goals must be identified and achieved. For example – if your child will not sit at the table for mealtimes, getting them to eat will be a challenge. If your end goal is to have your child eating a few new foods, your first goal might be getting them to come cooperatively to the table.

Step 4 Break up the Driving

Break up each goal into smaller goals. For instance, if your first goal is to get your child to stay at the table during mealtimes, consider using a seatbelt or scarf to remind them to stay in their seat, or for an older child, consider an incentive chart for sitting at the table x number of times during a week.

Step 5 Plan your Route

Take the time to think about your plan of attack. You could try a bunch of different tactics to see what works and you might have to, but it is helpful to have an idea of what you are going to do and how you are going to do it.

Step 6 Expect Bumps

Your child is not on board for your plan. Just know it, accept it, and plan for it! Neither is grandma, the waiter at the restaurant, or the lunch lady at school. You will encounter obstacles while attempting to achieve your goals for your child’s eating behavior. Anticipate them, plan for them, and be ready to meet them head on.

Step 7 Recruit a Pit Crew

Feeding challenges are stressful, anxiety producing, and hard for ‘outsiders’ to understand. However, you need support to be successful when attempting to change how your child experiences mealtimes. Identify people in your network – family, friends, medical professionals – who will support you in your goals for your child, listen to you, and help you stay motivated.

Step 8 Stay on Course

Don’t get discouraged by setbacks, keep your eye on the prize, and weigh the cost/benefits of what you are doing. Remember, your ultimate goal is to get to happier and more satisfying mealtimes for your child and you – that’s worth the hard work!

Step 9 Refuel

Take a step back and look at how far you’ve come. Identify actions that are helping you to achieve your goals, and things that may not be working. Adjust your behavior as necessary, and re-evaluate your end goal.

Step 10 Focus on How Far You’ve Gone

Give yourself, and your supporters, and most importantly, your child a pat on the back for doing such hard work!

For another great perspective on goal attainment, head on over to my fellow bizzy mama Karen Cooley ‘s photography page, and check out what she has to say!

For help creating your own action plan for managing mealtimes with a child who has feeding issues, contact me today at t oddlersandtomatoes@gmail.com

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It won’t be like this for long

Tue, 07 Feb 2017 00:00:00 GMT

Our daughter has always been a …challenge, shall we say, at bed time. From infancy, she’s needed help falling and staying asleep. She is four, and still sometimes wakes up in the middle of the night. It can be quite exhausting for those of us who actually appreciate some shut eye.

She (mostly) sleeps through the night now, thank goodness. However, the whole bedtime routine is extensive. It can take anywhere from thirty minutes to two hours to get our little princess to fall asleep.

It’s not that we don’t have a decent routine. Pajamas, wash up, read a book, tell a story, snuggle. That whole process works pretty well for little bro. In fact, he kind of gets annoyed if you try to prolong the snuggle, sing a song, or delay him in getting to the crib.

It’s not that we don’t understand that to change her behavior we have to change our behavior.

It’s a struggle. What to do? She likes to snuggle to fall asleep. So do I. I feel completely wrong denying her the basic comfort of snuggling up to someone to fall asleep, when that is exactly what I like to do.

Last night, she says “You know what I wish? That we could all have one big bed to snuggle up in at night.” I mean, come on!!

There is the argument that at four she should be able to fall asleep without assistance, that my husband and I deserve time together before 11pm at night, and that we also deserve time to ourselves and uninterrupted sleep of our own.

Then there is the argument that our little girl is growing up so fast. She will not always need us to snuggle with her to fall asleep, and when she doesn’t, we’ll miss it.

This is a real conflict for me. Some days I am ready to take off the mom hat and have some downtime before turning in myself. Other days I see that my baby is growing up and is in fact not a baby, and know these days are fleeting. I’ve been trying to embrace the moments and focus on the present, and appreciate each stage of my kid’s development …. but like in all areas of my life I’m trying to find the right balance. For now, I take it day by day, or night by night. Some nights I stay until she falls asleep, others I give her extra hugs and kisses, and assure her I’ll check on her, and leave even though she is asking me not to.

What are your thoughts on bedtime? Does your kiddo need you to stay with them to fall asleep?

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What will you do with all of your free time?

Thu, 26 Jan 2017 00:00:00 GMT

"What will you do with all of your time?” A common question when one finds out that a mother will be sending one (or more!) of her children off to school.

Really? If you all of a sudden had a few hours a week open up…would you have a hard time filling it with things that you either had to do, or wanted to do? Not likely. I can think of a million things right now that I should be doing, want to do, or need to do. Doesn’t mean I’ll do them … but still, it’s not hard to think of things that have to be done. Things that would be done faster or better, if I had an uninterrupted block of time to do them.

Maybe I am sensitive, but I think this is such a silly question posed to a mom whose child is about to start a school program. “What will you do with all of your time?” Aside from bathing, dressing, feeding, and transporting said child(ren). Preparing lunches, filling out paperwork, buying school supplies …..

Well, for starters, there is this other child I have here with me, he takes up a lot of time and attention. Then there is the mundane cooking, cleaning, and housekeeping that I often neglect. Then, there is the business marketing, clients, and social media upkeep, etc. etc. etc.

Oh, then there is other family obligations, volunteer positions, and, oh yea, personal hygiene.

Birthday presents to buy, bills to pay, finances to review, gardens to tend to.

Laundry. Always laundry. And dishes!

A lot of these things take a back seat when in full time mommy mode … but, I can think of plenty of things to fill my time. Not to mention maybe a nap, or a book, or an adult television show.

But if I mentioned those things, I’d be fulfilling the ‘bon bon’ stereotype. Heaven forbid someone who is ALWAYS at work, seriously 24/7 (and this is all moms, working, at home, working from home), should take a few minutes to herself during ‘normal business hours’. Puh-leez.

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Satisfaction- seeing change, and desiring the change that has occurred.

Tue, 06 Dec 2016 00:00:00 GMT

Satisfaction – seeing change, and desiring the change that has occurred.

That program is awful. Those therapists don’t know what they are doing. This doctor has no clue how to help. She is a really nice girl, but my daughter’s therapist is the pitts. Nothing has changed with my son’s feeding. They torture children in that program.

At first glance, these statements seem to be a reflection of any given therapy, program, or service. The way I see it though, they demonstrate a disconnect between the patient or family and a service provider.

Most therapy begins with a goal, or goals. A therapist or medical professional outlines their intended goal, and does whatever they are trained to do to accomplish said goal. The problem arises when a family, more specifically a frustrated mom or dad, doesn’t agree with, understand, or want the goals that have been laid out.

If you don’t agree with or understand the goals of a treatment plan, you will be disappointed with the outcome.

Usually, a therapist, doctor, or service provider will think that they have the best option for you and your child. If they don’t, they should refer you to someone else. That doesn’t always happen, though. To be satisfied with your child’s treatment, you must make sure you understand what the intentions of the therapist are, and agree with the overall goal of the program.

In fact, I will go so far as to say that an outstanding provider will inform you of alternative approaches, allowing you to decide what makes the most sense for you and your child.

Here are a few tips to ensure that you will be satisfied with your child’s treatment plan:

Make sure that you are an active member of goal setting for the treatment plan.
If you don’t understand the goal, ask questions. If you don’t agree with the goal, ask questions.
If you ultimately do not desire the end result that is anticipated, keep asking questions until you and the provider agree on the end goal.
Finally, if the end goal is not going to make a positive impact on your life, or your child’s life, switch providers until you find an end goal that you desire.
If you need help figuring out what YOUR goals are, contact me for some assistance! t oddlersandtomatoes@gmail.com.

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My Thanksgiving Wish

Thu, 24 Nov 2016 00:00:00 GMT

I write a lot about the same things. Sorry about that. But, I think it is because life is a lot of routine, repetition, mundaneness. Struggling with a kiddo at mealtimes is no different – I know I’ve heard from parents that it often feels like you are stuck, on repeat, not moving forward. It can be soul crushing.

Or, you can change your outlook. I alternate my blog posts between more general life stuff and feeding related stuff, but I think it all goes together. You take things for granted until something unexpected happens. Like having a kid who won’t eat… not only is that an all day, every day stress, it is something other people just don’t get. And it can be isolating. Lots of other things can be isolating too, like feeling stuck in a certain job, a relationship, or just your typical daily routine. Everyone’s stress is different, but everyone has stress. Everyone feels like their stress is the worst possible stress that could be felt – but stress is stress, and you can’t compare your struggles to another person’s struggles.

I’m rambling, I know. It’s because I’m totally stressed, but trying to give myself a pep talk out of it!! I took a meditation class in graduate school, and it literally changed my outlook on so many things. The key to being successful with mediation, or anything, is to believe in it, and keep at it. Just like a family who is trying a new intervention for feeding issues, if they don’t believe in it – it won’t work. You have to believe. The mind is a powerful tool – cliché, but 100% true.

Feeding issues, crises, illnesses, job loss, lack of fulfillment in a career, or in a life as a stay at home parent, in a relationship – these are truly difficult situations. My point is life is hard. But, you can choose to be stressed out and miserable, or to seek out the good, happy, fulfilling, and non-stressful aspects of life.

So you live in your 5 year house well past 5 years – bonds grow stronger in small homes (this is what I tell myself). Holidays aren’t the same when you’re the adult – start making your own traditions and getting your kids excited about them. People disappoint you – remember they are human, and their behavior often has nothing to do with you. Your loved ones are sick, in trouble, or sad – know that you may not be able to change their situation, but you can show compassion, kindness, and love.

My Thanksgiving wish for all of you is that you focus on the good in your life, everything that you do have, all of the people who do love you, and forget about the rest.

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Mompreneurs, A New World Rising

Mon, 29 Aug 2016 00:00:00 GMT

What does this picture have to do with anything feeding, parenting, or mom related?? Decide what you want to do, and do it. Be ok with how it turns out.

Whenever I’m near the beach, I’m happy. This was in Newport, Rhode Island. I knew the water would be cold, but I just had to find out for myself. I wasn’t quick enough to prevent the surf from lapping at my shoes, but it was totally worth it!!

That’s kind of how I feel about being a mom. I wanted to be a mom. I knew it was going to be hard, and there would be a lot of pressure, from myself, my family, and mostly the judgments and opinions of other parents. I knew that every decision I made would be weighed against decisions they made, and often be seen as an affront on their choices. When really, my choices have very little to do with theirs.

There is a movement underfoot to find more balance in life; to be more appreciative of all mothers, to refocus the importance of family. Maybe I’m late to the game, or maybe I’m onto something. As I continue to grow Toddlers and Tomatoes, try to maintain some sense of identity and self worth, and raise a family, I’m meeting many new people. And so many ‘momprenuers’. I’ve never been more social in my life. I’ve never been involved in so many things. I’ve never felt so supported by, and connected with other women.

I’m lucky. But, not everyone finds a supportive group of like minded people to be there for whatever choices they make.

So, back to this movement. Here is my theory… there is a group of women who want to stay home with their kids and immerse themselves fully in that wonderful opportunity. But they feel guilty about it. Or unfulfilled. Or bored. Or worried about what other people will think of a respectably educated, intelligent woman … staying at home. Society, at least American society, currently conveys the message that raising children is, well, kind of pointless in the grand scheme of things. Women are lashing back. It is not pointless to be home with your children, and it is a totally acceptable way to lead a fulfilling and meaningful life. But, it’s also OK to not want that, or to want a little bit of everything.

Enter Mompreneur world.

I disagree that raising children full time, without any other responsibility is worthless …. but I do agree that women are more than the children that they raise, and if they so choose, should be able to spend time developing those other interests, passions, and careers. If they choose to ‘just’ raise their children and take care of the home (which takes a CRAP load of work, and I really don’t do a good job with the housework part), and be a loving and caring wife, that is absolutely their choice, and totally awesome.

Prior to having kids I developed my passion for helping my ‘feeding families’. After deciding to stay home with the kids, I wanted to keep up with that. That’s why I do. My wonderful and supportive husband would otherwise be totally appreciative of the hard work I do with and for the kids every day (and sometimes the house). Not to say he would never make a ‘bon bon’ comment … but in reality, he totally gets the value of me being at home.

So, these momprenuers. I think what they are doing, what I am doing, is saying … hey, I’m a mom, but I also do other stuff. I like an income; but, we are making it work with one income for now. I want to raise my kids and be with them, but I also want to stay true to myself and have skills and knowledge beyond Little Einsteins and the local park directory when my kids are older.

We are saying, I’m saying, if you stay at home you are awesome. If you go to work, you are awesome. And, I want to be like all of you, so I’m trying.

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